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Understanding and Accepting Differences.

 

I watched this traumatic video that made me cry about a boy who was mocked for having tuorrrete syndrome, a disorder that causes a person to make repeated twitches, movements, or sounds that they have little or no control over. He had to change school several times because the teachers thought he was trying to be funny and deliberately interrupting class while his fellow students laughed at him.


The poor boy moved from school to school until he got a school where the principal understood his challenges, empathised with him, educated the whole school and taught them the importance of  acceptance.


I have learnt from my experience with parenting a child with autism  how people are quick to judge a behaviour they don’t understand and label them wrongly.

I admit the movie must be old but some of the realities still run true in our education system and society.. Children with disability being suspended for behaviours they cannot help.  I remember my son was expelled at age 4 from an autism spectrum class for having  behaviour challenges which is not unusual for  children with autism , a situation  that was not even his fault.Afterall he did not chose to be autistic.


What schools need is more funding for ASD classes and special needs education with more trainings for teachers..


What parents need is  to teach their children  acceptance of people who present as different from them.

 What the world needs is to show more kindness and awareness that we are wired differently

We are all uniquely formed and special in our own ways.

Deeply we all have elements of autism in us so we are  not that different after all.

My Autism Experience

There are some things you can’t learn from books though they have their place. Some you learn through experience or by following your intuition.. There are certain  strategies I have learnt in parenting a child with special needs that I attribute to the Holy Spirit which I later found on Specialist books but these new information just affirm what I already knew and have been putting into practice with successful results. Yes, my faith is a crucial part of my journey🙏.

This morning I was practically grinning from ear to ear while watching a behaviour modification therapy program when I noticed a strategy I use in assisting help my son manage sensory overload being used😁. I practically gave myself a hug🤗.

There is so much I have learnt and gladly share with other parents on the same journey of understanding autism. You don’t have to struggle through. 

My name is Gladys Otono Atsenokhai, I help families with special needs children navigate and understand autism using simple strategies and my experience

Start With What You Know

It is so easy to get lost in new terrains. Trying to find your feet in new frontiers can be challenging. In fact interacting with the new can be daunting at times. Ever attended an event where you dont know anybody so you first stay apart watching other attendees like a soccer scout? what you are doing at that moment is seeking a familiar point of entry to join an existing group or make interaction. Many times people will tend to gravitate towards ethnicity, age group, gender, a topic of discussion or even another nervous person to form some sort of kinship and camaraderie.

In Ireland a common conversation starter is cantered on the weather. The state of the weather is a familiar conversation opener. Its not unusual for total strangers to strike up a conversation with others by commenting on the state of the weather before gravitating towards other simpler or complex topics. This most times is how relationships are formed.

People start with what they know as the familiar helps give a sense of safety and comfort.

It helps create connection with your unique audience and it helps build authenticity.

It also helps others relate with you and your subject.

I watched a movie the other day and a young man was pitching his business in a room filled with would be investors. He started with complex and grand ideals of his idea but later noticed the people in the room were disinterested. Then he asked to start again. This time he started with a story, a familiar story, a personal story. this captured the interest of his audience as they were able to connect with his story.

In starting with what he knew he owned the room, his story and the audience because starting with you know puts you in charge of the narrative and keeps you anchored. You are not dealing from an “unknown” or strange position but a grounded place of strength and that is a vantage position.

What you know is your strength. There is a confidence that comes with knowing that you know what you know.

Starting with what you know is also good for your mental health. Starting a new business, relationships and charting new frontiers can be stressful and hard on a person’s mental health. Notice that children starting school for the first time are allowed to bring their favourite toys or blanket to help them settle into their new environment pending when they are comfortable enough to actively engage with others which is the next level achievement.

Starting with what you know serves as a launch pad for growth. Its like building blocks, placing one block on top another until a larger aim is achieved.

Starting with what you know does not negate curiosity or embracing new experiences but it is a confident way to start.

What you know might seem small in the face of larger events but it is yours. Own it and build on it!

“A person Is A Person No Matter How Ralph”

Watching The Simpsons is one of the ways I relax. It’s my absolute stress buster. I love everything about the show and always watch out for Bart Simpsons’ Chalkboard writing  gag. it’s an absolute gold mine of wisdom that only a Simpson fan can relate with. 
I particularly like this one that says ” A person is a person no matter how Ralph” and I totally agree.

“A person is a person no matter how Ralph”


You see Ralph is a character in the Simpsons who suffers with a level of learning and social disability. He has challenges understanding social and language nuances, does not understand the concept of danger. He basically presents with autism traits but I loved that he was included in the show as all voices matter irrespective of ability. Fact is no one person is perfect, we all just evolve into a social construct. Some take longer than others, while some not at all but perfect on their own terms.


Everyone deserves to be treated with respect no matter their age, gender, ethnicity or ability. Not just at home but also at the work place and at all levels of interaction. We all deserve R. E. S. P. E. C. T. and this involves inclusion, acceptance, right to fair treatment and representation in all levels of governance , social interactions, work and in  matters that affects our collective good for our collective good.

Gladys Otono Atsenokhai-MC SHAKARA

 
As a person living with disability and also  parent to a child with autism I know what it means to experience discrimination on both levels but I remain undeterred rather determined to make my voice heard on issues around mental health, disability and matters that affect me directly or indirectly with a view to creating an environment where all lives matter and voices too. We all deserve equal representation and treatment at the table where ever the table is and what ever the table means. Remember , we are all uniquely able!


To reiterate the Bart dude himself, “a person is a person no matter how Ralph” this is a note we can all keep close to heart when we interact with people who presents as different from us.

10 ways to manage face mask anxiety

Aside from its protective role, I thought protective face masks could do no worse than smudge my make up and blur my glasses until I experienced a sudden anxiety moment while shopping. There had been a short delay at the payment till when I suddenly felt claustrophobic and short of breathe followed by the need to take off peel off my mask. In that moment I had a near panic attack but the concerns about being “adjudged” wrongly by others made me keep it on and that didn’t really help my situation. It was an uncanny experience as I had not experienced a panic attack in over 12 years.

Wearing a facemask in public has become part of the new normal for most us. It is a means to protect ourselves and others from the dreaded Covid 19. For people in some parts of the world, the wearing of face masks has been the norm, the rest of the world is just catching up. Despite the argument against the wearing of face mask, one thing is absolutely certain, they are for our protection as many people are asymptomatic-infected but dont know it.

However the wearing of face mask can aggravate anxiety in people either out of concerns for others, themselves or simply because of the feelings it evokes and the burden of responsibility to others. In as much as it might be uncomfortable, it has to be worn in accordance to public health and safety rules and government guidelines.

So how do you manage face mask anxiety? here are a few tips.

  1. Practise breathing exercises underneath your mask

2. Manage your thoughts by eliminating negative thinking.

3. Remember Face mask protects you and others

4.Keep your shopping to less busy periods to manage the time you spend in shops

5. Find a mask that suits you. I find certain materials very uncomfortable. with a bit of trial and error, I finally found the ones that worked best for me.

6. Customise your face cover. A little bit of personal touch can help you feel better. it helps you be in control. You might not be able to control what is going on around you but with a personalised facemask you own how you interact with the situation.

7. Wear your mask when and where it is necessary for instance in shared public places.

8. Practice mindfulness

9. Don’t worry about those who are not wearing masks in public as we all have different value systems except for those who genuinely can not wear them for health reasons. Your first responsibility is you!

10. Talk to someone about what you are experiencing.

And for that sometimes unavoidable bad breathe, take a mint! Your mental health will be better for it.

Making Memorable Moments

Have you seen the viral video of man longboarding to work and chilling to Dreams by Fleetwood Mac? Well everyone is talking about it and social media is agog with it. The video is so heart-warming and peaceful.

The back story was his car had broken down prior to him making the video while cruising down the highway and drinking Cran-Raspberry juice at the same time- a true definition of the word chillax.

With over 26 million views already on TikTok, the video has since garnered international attention including that of Mick Fleetwood himself and the Chief Executive of Ocean Spray Tom Hayes.

The video speaks volumes of how to get through a rough patch. Nathan Apodaka known a.k.a 420doggface208 was able to forge a beautiful moment out of a tough situation. Life happens no matter how hard we try or how great our plans are. Nobody is immune to challenges. However how we respond in the wake of every challenge will determine whether we crumble or rise.

Apodaka has not only benefited from sharing his video but the video has offered a refreshing reprieve from the gloomy news of the pandemic and other what’s not albeit for a moment. Sometimes a moment is what we need. The now viral video sensation was able to make a memorable moment out of a not so memorable situation. Making memorable moments is a choice-a profitable decision! So when next life gets in your way, sit back relax and have a glass of Cran-Raspberry juice while vibing to Dreams….literally! your mental health will be better for it😜

Let Grief take its course.

Everybody at one point in life has experienced loss with its accompanying feeling of grief. Grief is the human response to loss and it is part of life. So grief is normal! As humans, we will all experience loss and grieve loss, it is normal. What is not normal is to remain in grief or not even grieve at all. You see, grieving is the natural progression when loss happens. It is a process which means a series of actions or emotions must have play and pan out for a certain resolution to occur.

While there are many stages at play in the process of grief, we all grieve differently and the time line differs from person to person. Grief can be short term or prolonged but if its prolonged, there is need for intervention and professional support. Two people might experience the same traumatic event but be affected differently so they respond or react differently. One person might cry and the other may not!

That one person did not express grief by crying does not mean the person was affected less. Crying is just one way of experiencing grief but not the only way.

To cry in the wake of loss is normal but crying perpetually is a signal of deeper issues. There is need for resolution.

The saying “real men dont cry” has ended up creating emotionally damaged men who think its unmanly to show emotions therefore reinforcing toxic masculinity. Crying shows that we are all human and not immune to pain, hurt or loss. Like someone said “crying is how the soul purges itself”.

it is ok to cry and mourn in the wake of loss but never remain at any stage in the trajectory of grief where you are stuck and unable to continue.

Let grief takes it course; your mental health will be better for it!

Your Mental Health, Your Responsibility!

Many times, people seem to assume its the responsibility of other people to make them feel good about themselves, be happy, loved, appreciated and valued. Unfortunately, that responsibility is too heavy for any human being to bear. No human being or government has the capacity to fulfil that responsibility. If it is not coming from you, from your inside, it is as good as water off a duck’s back. No matter how good the other person’s intentions are, they may forget to turn up for you because of personal needs and demand.

A doctor might prescribe drugs to help deal with an underlying ailment but if the patient does not take the prescription as advised, then its of no use.

A psychologist might proffer counsel and therapy to help manage or facilitate change but if the client is not willing to follow what is advised then the recommendation is of no benefit.

In the debate about the usefulness of wearing face mask or not in public places to curb the spread of corona virus; with many people arguing/protesting for and against wearing them and governments putting legislation in place to enforce the use, one thing is certain, you have to take responsibility for your health. Since you can not ensure other people complying with rules, you have to ensure your safety by doing the needful…wear your mask and protect yourself! As the saying goes, “the change you desire starts with you!

I had an agreement with my son’s school bus escort to give me a buzz when she comes into my housing estate to prevent my son and I waiting too long in the cold for the bus while she picks up other children. It was an agreement I “assumed” was set in stone. There I was the next day relaxed on my couch waiting for a call that never came. When i felt the call was suspiciously late, my son and i walked to our usual spot only to see the tail end of the bus driving away. O.K to say I was upset is putting it mildly but I did not blame her! A lot might have transpired that morning to make her forget but I promised never to leave myself at the receiving end of what another person does or does not do at the cost of my peace. What I did next was to find a suitable solution for my son and I. Instead of standing in the cold while waiting we would wait in the comfort of my car till the bus gets to us. Problem solved and all existing relationships undamaged.

Your mental health is chiefly YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, Other people only provide supporting roles. TAKE CHARGE.